I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
love makes seman taste better
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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