Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
