Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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