apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
