Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
