There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
