My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
