I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
