i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
