Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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