I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
