Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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