please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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