Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
