i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
