Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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