A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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