That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
