So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dicks are not precious.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
