my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
