i wish peter jackson would direct porn
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
