We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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