i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
