Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
