Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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