I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
