I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
