I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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