Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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