who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i barfeds in our rink
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
