she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
