Her vagina should come with caution tape.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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