Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
