1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
