evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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