you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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