I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
