hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
