Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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