Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm passing your future prison.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
