ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
