I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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