well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
