Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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