i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
