Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
