dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
