how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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