Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
