After last night, I could never be a politician.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
