franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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